11月要到啦，同学们都开始准备文书了吗？

头发都掉了几根了？

哈佛大学来帮你了！

日前，哈佛校报公布了10篇已录取学生的优秀文书，并附带了招生老师的精彩点评。

这有没有一点像你们班最厉害的学霸对你说：“我的作业，给你抄~”

话不多说，赶紧收藏了！

Marshall

State: California, USA

High School: Public school, 422 students in graduating class

Ethnicity: Biracial

Gender: Male

GPA: 4.5 out of 4.0

SAT: Reading 800, Math 800, Writing 800 ACT: 33

SAT Subject Tests Taken: Mathematics Level 2, Biology E/M, Physics, U.S. History

Extracurriculars: Science Bowl team captain, intern at U.S. Congressman’s District Office, varsity tennis, Interact Club President, senior class president

Awards: Ron Brown Goldman Sachs Scholar; CA Science Olympiad State gold medalist

Major: Environmental Science and Public Policy

正文：

For the longest time there were two people waking up in my bed each morning, and neither of them knew who I was. One boy dedicated his time to observe the remains of an assassin bug, a hugely impactful predator with a name fit for its voracious nature. The other boy spent his early mornings reading the newspaper. A devastating cyclone had just hit the people of Burma, a thuggish ruling junta was causing havoc in their lives, and the young boy had to know about it. Although the two boys didn’t fully understand the implications of a loss of a particular species in a food web or restrictive trade policies on poor countries without much arable land, they still yearned for more knowledge.

Who was I? A future lab scientist, or the next president to come out of the state of California? Early on, my mother could see this dichotomy developing within my own personality. I got many puzzled looks when I asked for a subscription to TIME magazine along with a microscope kit for my tenth birthday. My career ambitions would seesaw between an astronaut and world traveler. The two Marshalls would battle for a supermajority of the hours in each day until I decided to be the critical vote to swing toward one Marshall or the other. These two halves behaved like two brothers; a modern day Cain and Abel with my punishment seemingly being sternal self-damnation.

Approaching adolescence, the two Marshalls would fight for relevance in my mind. One, an active soccer defender, would yell war cries in the middle of his match in a not-so-well-thought-out attempt at intimidation. The other knew his way around a World Book encyclopedia set, even at the expense of social crucifixion. Stevie Wonder was blasting from speakers as I studied the origins of Greek democracy. Hardly anyone my age paid attention to news that didn’t make headlines. I’d be their CNN, a young Wolf Blitzer, analyzing a multifaceted humanitarian crisis although with little knowledge of historical context. I struggled immensely with the thought of my future. The conclusion drawn from these explanations was simple: the two Marshalls had no place together.

After several years of intense self-reflection, I realized college would be the platform where I could passionately grow and find out who I want to be in this world. I could go to an amazing school that has some of the world’s best professors and push me to consider every side of a complex issue. I can picture myself starting the day studying the decay patterns of radioactive elements and finishing the day by debating the success of the Nuclear Non-Proliferation treaty. Whether I end up working for a private energy corporation or the U.S. State Department, I know at this very moment that this is what I needed all along. I needed an avenue to continue to grow in both of my fields of interest. I would not be limited to one half of my heart. My two Marshalls, it turns out, were not mutually exclusive, but rather dependent on one another.

老师点评：

Marshall begins this essay with an engaging paragraph describing two unknown people who shared a bed with him for many years. While grabbing the attention of the reader with an intriguing description of his morning awakenings, Marshall begins to describe the two halves of his intellectual curiosities that shape his ambitions for the future and provide a framework for the remainder of his essay. The meaning of the two mysterious figures becomes clear as Marshall describes the tension between his various passions and how each one has shaped his aspirations.

The strength of Marshall’s essay lies in its ability to communicate personal details about his past in an engaging and concise manner. Marshall plays with the dichotomy between the two characters in his bed to reveal a level of personal depth which otherwise falls unnoticed in his application. As he outlines his aspirations for the future we learn more about how he spends his time today.This essay shows us the open mind of an ambitious applicant whose future is still an open book.

Phillip

State: California, USA

High School: Public school, 598 students in graduating class

Ethnicity: Asian

Gender: Male GPA: 4.0 out of 4.0

SAT: Reading 800, Math 800, Writing 800

ACT: n/a

SAT Subject Tests Taken: Mathematics Level 2, Biology E/M, Chemistry, U.S. History, World History

Extracurriculars: Speech and debate team president, Science Alliance president, martial arts instructor, National Honor Society vice president

Awards: Speech and Debate National Champion in United States Extemporaneous Speaking (2015), California Speech and Debate State Champion in United States Extemporaneous Speaking (2013, 2014, and 2015), US Presidential Scholars semifinalist, National Merit Scholar finalist

Major: Computer Science and Linguistics

正文：

The summer after my freshman year, I found myself in an old classroom holding a blue dry erase-marker, realizing what should have been obvious: I had no idea how to be a teacher. As an active speech and debate competitor, I was chosen as a volunteer instructor for an elementary public speaking camp hosted by my high school. For the first time, I would have the opportunity to experience the classroom from the other side of the teacher’s desk. My responsibility was simple: in two weeks, take sixteen fifth graders and turn them into confident, persuasive speakers.

I walked into class the first morning, enthusiastically looking forward to the opportunity to share my knowledge, experiences, and stories. I was hoping for motivated kids, eager to learn, attentive to my every word.

Instead, I got Spencer, who thought class was a good time to train his basketball skills by tossing crumpled speeches into the trash can from afar. I got Monica, who refused to speak, and I got James, who didn’t understand the difference between “voice projection” and “screaming.” I got London, who enjoyed doodling on her desk with permanent marker, and I got Arnav, who thought I wouldn’t notice him playing Angry Birds all day. The only questions I got were “When’s lunch break?” and “Why are you giving us homework?” and the only time I got my students to raise their hands was when I asked “How many of you are only here because your parents forced you to?”

Just ten minutes into class, two things hit me: Spencer’s crumpled paper ball, and the realization that teaching was hard.

When I was younger, I thought that a good teacher was one that gave high-fives after class. Later, of course, I knew it was far more complicated than that. I thought about teachers I admired and their memorable qualities. They were knowledgeable, enthusiastic, and inspiring. Their classes were always fun, and they always taught me something.

There was plenty I wanted to teach, from metaphors to logical fallacies. But most importantly, I wanted my students to enjoy public speaking, to love giving speeches as much as I did. And that’s when I realized the most important quality of my favorite teachers: passion. They loved their subject and passed that love on to their students. While it wouldn’t be easy, I wanted to do the same.

Every day for two weeks, I searched for creative ways to inspire and teach my students. I helped London speak on her love for art; I had Arnav debate about cell phone policies in schools. And by the end of the camp, I realized that my sixteen students all saw me not as a high school student, but as a teacher. I took their questions, shared my enthusiasm, and by the time camp was over, they weren’t just learning, but enjoying learning.

I was on the other side of the teacher’s desk, but I hadn’t stopped learning. Each day, I was learning how to communicate more effectively, how to deal with new challenges and circumstances, and how to be a better teacher. I once thought that being an adult meant knowing all the answers. But in reality, adults, even teachers, constantly have more to learn. I made the transition away from being a child during those weeks, but I did not and would not transition away from being a learner.

When class ended each afternoon, I would cap my blue dry-erase marker, give high-fives to the students as they walked out the door, and watch as their parents picked them up. I was confident that when my students were asked the inevitable questions of “Did you learn something today?” and “Did you have fun?” their answers would be a resounding yes. And even as their teacher, I learned and had fun too.

老师点评：

Phillip’s choice of subject matter is carefully considered: he doesn’t attempt to dazzle us with any flashy exploits or overwhelm us with the breadth and depth of his achievements. Instead, he chooses a simple success story, of his experience working with kids at a public speaking camp, that highlights his personal growth.

The story has a complete narrative arc, with a definite beginning, middle, and end. Phillip describes a distinct set of opinions that characterize each phase of his short teaching career, illustrated with colorful descriptions of typical moments for each. There are also certain symmetries between the beginning and end (the blue marker, for example) that leave the reader with a sense of finality and satisfaction. In addition, Phillip’s voice throughout the story is phenomenal. His humor feels natural, and he’s able to make the reader aware of his positive qualities without bragging or posturing; he shows them to us, through the story and through his subject, rather than loudly announcing them. His writing is confident and clear and doesn’t distract at all from the content of the essay.

It’s important to note that even though Phillip’s story depicts a success, a good college essay need not end in triumph. If you try to create a victory where there isn’t really one, you run the risk of sounding insincere. You have plenty of other places to list your accomplishments!

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